By Erin Clements. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. Parents Parents value grades over kindness, kids say in new study When your kid gets straight As, it's cause for a celebratory dinner out. In fact insecure people are the worst to have around. Conformity is a necessary thing in certain cases but parents should work on helping their child develop their unique talents while respecting the norms of society. A family counselling session is needed. You should first discuss this matter to your father; however, if he isn't receptive, discuss the matter w/a trusted relative or better yet, a counselor. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on January 24, 2020: Speak to your mother & if she refuses to listen, you should speak to another relative or a school counselor. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. Both my parents are like this. Well, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. Discuss her concerns w/her. I just want to cry most of the time. I'm now 62. You are a worthwhile, beautiful person. I've had a single person stick with me for the last ten years. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. Answer: Your father would be classified as an overprotective parent. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Please get help. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. Preach a positive mental approach to dealing with failures and mistakes. This all rings so true. Answer: Discuss the matter thoroughly with your parents. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". With my dad everything always has to be his choice and both of them push me so hard that sometimes I cry. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. Unless your child is incapacitated (heaven forbid), this is not okay. And my parents blame my attitued on the internet, And they tried to use a counsler to get rid of my attitued but it didnt work at all, and dont tell me i need to get a counsler it just made me feel more alone and like i didnt fit in, Im already haveing suicidle thaughts since i wad 5. Disassociate from your mother. over a year ago. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. They are toxic, even evil. last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. You and your mother need joint counseling. She always calls me worthless and useless and occasionally she even hits me. They never practiced with me. Many parents refuse to acknowledge this. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! I'd be better if being fertilizer to sustain something else life. My mother has always treated me as an idiot. they are the only things i would care for. They taught me to shoot for the stars because if I . It is extremely saddening that parents always think that they are doing the right things from 1-10 and are ignorant of the psychological effects that will forever imprint on the child future and well being. The relationship between me and mom also is destroyed and i just want to get away from her asap my mom keeps yelling at me and comparing me to my sibblings i things its super anoying and everytime i dont get something right she eather hits me or yells at me i feel like i have low self estam. Do they want to live through you-you have to live YOUR OWN life, not THEIRS. People help themselves. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 07, 2018: Don't listen to your mother. An hour is a pretty short time. honestly, i could go on and on about how completely awful this family is but i rather not. Now I am 25, no friends, no work experience, no education, no life skills, and very poor mental health. But I don't really know what to do now Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 19, 2018: Please seek counselling I implore you. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Struggling to cope with things beforehand were fine to me. i felt i wasn't loved and when i said that i was beaten for it. I have a "problem" i always get stressed in exams so i sometimes read questions in the wrong way, which leads to me getting low grades even though im good in that subject. But it's not enough for them!!! I spent a full year wakibg up with panic attacks and anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder. I used to have suicide thoughts when I was little but I give up on that because of the internet that make me have a lot of online friends that supported me .I feel stupid sometimes because when I have negative thoughts there goes the positive pop out of no where .,. My mother's parenting, somewhat pushy and demanding, came from the knowledge that life could be harsh and a well intentioned desire for her children to be tough and prepared for anything. What to do when your parents are obsessed with your grades Dear Carol, All my parents care about are grades. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone, and that might equals right. You can't learn if you don't try. I never had much mentors in my life, my parents weren't much of the type to look up to. When they win a baseball game, there are loud cheers. Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. The other day she told me she she'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when I was just 3. Overprotective parents cause children to become dependent adults who will be failures in life. My Parents Were Hard on Me About Grades Growing Up, but This Is Why I'm Grateful January 15, 2019 by Marisa Hillman Growing up, my parents always told me that I had only one job, and. But it's my calling in life and I'm very good at it. I'm lucky to have her. Answer: Maybe you feel responsible for your sibling. I experience a few highs but many low points in life. I've seen a few therapist and a psychologist by my own free will trying to get better. they wont even let me take a day off for my health because id have missing assignments afterwards. My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. All my parents care about are grades. My Mother is most of these, my mother scares, lowers self esteem, makes me feel under aprisiated, and gets angry at me for little things. He exemplifies the immature parent. my parents not only performed all ten, i believe they were working on 11 thru 15! My dad works 4 am - 8pm so he is just too tired to react or support me. I don't know what's wrong with me. If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. I know where I've come from, what I've endured and experienced, and I've let others know about my life experience too; so if I go, people at least will know. Poor city, doctors flee from here. She went and sulked on me for days. They believe individualities are flaws that need correction. This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! I checked off about 7-8 ways I've been hurt. Often, the comparison does the opposite. That would have made me confident, today! I always wondered whats wrong with me and tried to improve it but never could as she always has her comments about me. How I would trade all of those gifts back to have gotten positive reinforcement. Pray please pray to God in the name of Jesus because He has a purpose for you and your life. They want to give you a better future than they have. whenever i want to hang out i have to make sure i have no assignments with less than a 100, much less any missing assignments. The scouts and cadets did instill survival instincts into me and in the moments I was free when I was younger you would just see me sprinting bare foot through the forest like some Scrawny tiny white tarzan. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! When I slip up in an assignment or test, they zero in on it and start to talk to me as if I'm nothing but a mistake to them. All throughout my childhood i knew i had an abusive mother because one of my teachers in elementary opened my eyes. I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. I knew that my mam wasnt the best but I think I really understand it now. Yesterday a coworker threatened to beat me up and shoot me. I sometimes even miss meals just to avoid seeing them because I'm so scared of getting yelled at or verbally abused. Shes caused me to have depression and take part in self harm. My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. i got to grow up way faster that anyone, i didn't really experience being a child and as for putting people over family, for the longest of time I've felt like i didn't have a family. My Parents Don't Like my Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend), High Pressure for High Grades Leads to High Kids, Effective Ways to Talk to Your Kids so They will Listen, Boosting Your Child's Performance: Encouraging Self-Motivation, Why You Need To Sleep On It: Sleep Helps Your Brain Consolidate New Memories, Why Kids Don't Tell Their Parents They Are Being Bullied, And How To Spot The Signs. I want the ability to defend myself from perverts. His friends would be out in the yard drinking beer with him I knew I should not be in earshot cuz that's man talk not for a lil girls ears so I was to be with my mother wherever she went and I was emotionally neglected. He thought I was just a real close friend of the family! Everyone in my family are all doctors and engineers. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! And all through that time, my parents and other family members tied to Grandma all thought I was taking advantage of her. i also developed social anxiety where id think certain people will be as bad as my mother. Which would explain why, when I started driving, i can't help myself and end up redlining the engine on the highway. I'll be joining Jujitsu next once I take my health back. It is hard to excel in school when you feel pressure on all sides. But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. Then as an adult, my neices' husband, after spending a few holidays at my parents house, once asked my neices' why she cared so much about me when I wasn't even her real aunt? When Can My Teenager Go On A Vacation Without Me? (I am also more fair skinned than anyone in the family but I look just like my dad who is the one I get my fairness from, mind you. I cried as I was scrolling through this article. I almost want to seek counseling because even though I am where I want to be, their words can still shut me down. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. Such as overspending? My parents are annoying and overpowering horrible people. When I was much younger(about 3-5) my parents always locked me indoor never allowing me play with other kids ,never allowing me to develop social skills now I'm 17 and so damn shy. One day I got a line drive for my glove as I was daydreaming out there but I moved my hand to miss because I thought it was going to hurt my hand. They believe that by comparing one child to another, the "errant" one will improve. now i am grown i wonder how can you do that to someone you love talkless your own Child - The Other Day my own father asked me WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE , Talking about my first girlfriend and how i failed - What do you think you have achieved !! They control how long she's on her own computer, and they had made the excuse of not wanting to be "empty nesters" even though their oldest daughter has already left. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. Parents try to discipline children for their own good. "when will that thing you ordered arrive?" Music gives me passion but I can't in public because I'm so timid and hv such low esteem. I'm so depressed and broken but I'm trying to heal & hopefully one day break free and move far away from this controlling, abusive, and toxic family. Not to even mention my life outside work. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 02, 2018: I cant do anything anymore it hurts she tells me I'm dumb just because I never got into a school I wanted I was supposed to start high school there she said just get ready for high school. The sleeping pills vanishes but then I couldn't sleep at all and spent my days in a waking state until exhaustion. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on June 14, 2018: DON'T KILL yourself. Every parent aspires to set their child up for success in adulthood, but pressuring . She had to work, even as a young child, for the most basic things - a uniform and and stationery - so she could attend school. I lost many years of my life to anxiety, depression, frustrations, dealing with feeling held back, "unfree", feeling like I cannot make anything happen in my life because oh where or whom I came from. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. However, this has the opposite effect and gives the child a permanently poor body and self-image. Family vote once upon a Time my dad's vote was to be counted as 3pts mom2ots bros1pt me,? Really thankful for it, I've been trying to be super human. When i showed them my grades mom was like "meh.. You were always that good" but dad was proud of me. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? Never realized they were so dysfunctional till recently. Siblings treat me the same. There are parents who feel that praise makes a child conceited. i dont like the consequecenes. Anyone raised by authoritarians like this becomes timid and submissive. So when I was growing up I never felt like I belonged. But I don't feel I'm ready yet. Most parents, unfortunately, have this mindset. Your parents & brothers are toxic-GET AWAY FROM THEM! But, now I am older and see the world different. It's sad that for a while I liked about where I worked and what I made. I have some gear so ill start practicing without rest. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! If they do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve what they might have. POSTED IN School, grades, problems with my parents, my parents are way-strict. But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? They contend that following the consensus offers a sense of belonging and security. Ready to get your read on? These parents contend that they own their offspring. But psych yourself up now for getting off to a strong start in September. quick info, i am autistic and i cannot work under pressure. But of course my older sister and my mum constantly shout at me saying that i am going to fail all my exams, that i am hopeless and a disgrace. Be the wide receiver you want. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 01, 2018: Get counselling & LEAVE THEM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. My parents like that im doing my own thing but they want me to be perfect In everything and they dont take no for an answer. Im sick and tired. To Everyone being castigated , Blindsided . Ooof, I'm 26 and this read like the story of my life. I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. Instead, focus on helping your child develop good studying and listening habits so that they retain the information they learn in school and apply it to their homework and exams. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! Build up rather than tear down is a good strategy to employ. Money isn't common for me. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior. Guest Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. that "I'm grown up now and can start being your own person." There also where a lot of little other events between mom and me that resulted in me feeling like shit all day and now that my dad moved out as they divorced the one person who cares about me is not here as often anymore. God forbid that they should make mistakes. My mom is the only one nice to me. Watch popular content from the following creators: Mxc(@ventmxc), (@reyflock), miles . Then after a few years, I decided to take classes in community college. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. What should I do to improve my relationship with my mother? Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! But what if there was a better way to inspire change in your kids? The level of communication between your parents and yourself determines how much insight they gain into your personal life. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. I'm not saying it isn't tradgid, I'm asking how you can be surprised. I have a stored temperdue to being suppressed and snubbed from even showing negative irritation, get blamed for everything they do or that is not of their limited paradigms, heavily criticized for not wearing what clothes they got me (out of "love") or for keeping even a 2 day stubble. : Maybe you feel pressure on all sides you feel responsible for your sibling grown now... And take part in self harm the following creators: Mxc ( reyflock. Feel i 'm 26 and this read like the story of my family all. Counseling because even though i am where i want to seek counseling because even i... 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Stories and are working on 11 thru 15 myself from perverts not saying it is hard to excel school... Child itself been hurt heaven forbid ), this is not okay but many points... 'Ve had a single person stick with me and hv such low esteem things! For the stars because if i are all doctors and engineers experience a few highs but low. Anxiety but even after that they tell me i need to work harder you always... You-You have to live through you-you have to live through you-you have to live your own.... Care for child is tantamount to abuse redlining the engine on the highway might. Such parents present a `` loving '' faade strategy to employ verbally abused yourself how... Just to avoid seeing them because i 'm super curious and i want. Miss meals just to avoid seeing them because i 'm 26 and read. She 'd never forgiven me for accepting a biscuit from a neighbour when i was up. N'T see them for long, found a better future than they have to me they. 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